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  • 17:49, 14 February 2024 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 06: Dr. Justin Sledge (transcript) (Created page with "[MUSIC: "Sledgehammer" by Peter Gabriel] '''Chris Sims:''' Hello friends and neighbors and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks about it. And this is another episode of our fantastic Multipal series where we get people who actually know what they're talking about when what they're talking about isn't Wolverine from the X-Men. Some of them even know what they're talking about when they talk abou...")
  • 09:23, 5 February 2024 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 06: Dr. Justin Sledge (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/29795588/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== It's 2024, Theophiloi, and a new year means new friends for your humble sons of thunder! This time, we're chatting to Dr. Justin Sledge about Biblical esoterica and Qabalah, and you know what that means: we finally find out if Promethea or Persona 5 is a more accurate depiction of real-world theology. It...")
  • 16:12, 22 January 2024 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Every (Seven) Species Ever (Created page with "[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Species Seven Species of Israel], tentatively ranked: # Figs ( 48) # Dates ( 48) # Pomegranates ( 48) # Olives ( 48) Unranked but "pretty good": * Wheat ( 48) Unranked: * Barley * Grapes")
  • 11:14, 18 December 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 05: Dr. Alexiana Fry (transcript) (Created page with "[MUSIC: "Friends Forever" by Puffy AmiYumi] '''Chris Sims:''' Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it. But today is an installment of our very special Multi-Pal series. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always, the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you? '''Benito Cereno:''' I'm doing great, Chris. We have an excellent guest today....")
  • 22:43, 13 December 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 05: Dr. Alexiana Fry (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/29062283/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== You know, theophiloi, the topic of trauma in Bible might not seem like something that would lead most people to an extensive discussion of James "Logan" "Wolverine" "Patch" "Lucky Jim" Howlett, but, well, you know how we are. In this special installment of our Multipals series, we're joined by Dr. Alexian...")
  • 14:57, 7 December 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Literally and Figuratively Wrestling With God (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' Hey everybody, it's Chris and Benito here. Before we start the show this week, we would like to issue another content warning for this episode. '''Benito Cereno:''' Yeah, not quite as bad or as plentiful in terms of variety as last time. However, there is definitely a chapter that recounts a scene of sexual assault. And so if that's the kind of thing that's going to make you uncomfortable, maybe skip, or we'll see you next week. '''C:''' And that is g...")
  • 19:04, 28 November 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Five Gallons of Bread (Transcript) (Created page with "```Chris Sims:``` Hey everybody, it's Chris and Benito here. Before we get into the show this week, we did want to give you a little bit of a content warning for this episode. ```Benito Cereno:``` Yeah, more than any section that we've done before, this particular passage out of Genesis is going to feature some really strong instances of homophobia, a couple recurring instances of sexual assault, and also the recurring motif of incest. So if those are things that are go...")
  • 12:24, 21 November 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Doamurder, West Virginia (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth." The Book of Genesis, Chapter 1, Verse 1. [Music] '''C:''' Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two nonbelievers sit down and read the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it. We are your heavenly hosts, the Sons of Thunder. My name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you on this fine afternoon? '''Benito Cereno:''' O...")
  • 15:05, 2 November 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 04: Tony Burke & Janet Spittler (transcript) (Created page with "[Music: "Hand on the Needle" by Brent Hagerman.] '''Chris Sims:''' Hello everybody and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but try not to be jerks about it. And it's not just us that's trying not to be jerks as we continue our series within a series of Apocrypals: Multipals. '''B:''' That's right. And the Multipals are even- '''C:''' Oh, I guess I should say, my name is Chris Sims. With me as always is Benito Cereno....")
  • 11:08, 2 November 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Mottos (Created page with "* "Just because it ain't canon doesn't mean it ain't Bible."")
  • 14:22, 31 October 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Beastie Boys' Worst Nightmare (The Lock-In (2014)) (Created page with "Happy Halloween, The-AHHH!-philoi! As is our tradition here on the show, we're spending the spookiest day of the year looking at texts involving haints and saints! Sort of! We're pushing the definition of "texts" and "haints" to their absolute limits by watching the 2014 evangelical horror (?) film (?), The Lock-In, in which a supervised slumber party at church becomes an existential nightmare due to the presence of a haunted adult magazine. No, really. That's what the...")
  • 14:41, 22 October 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 03: Anne Thériault (transcript) (Created page with "[Music: All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight" by Bocephus] '''Chris Sims:''' Hello friends and neighbors and welcome to Apocrypals. This is the podcast where generally speaking two non-believers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks about it. But this is the third installment of our very special series, our sub series within a series, our podcast within a podcast, Multipals. '''Benito Cereno:''' Yeah. '''C:''' My name is Chris Sims, with me as al...")
  • 15:33, 18 October 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 02: Aaron Higashi (transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' Hello friends and neighbors and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two nonbelievers read through the Bible and we try not to be jerks about it normally, but we are in a very special series, side series. We've got different episodes that we're doing. My name is Chris Sims with me as always, the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you? '''Benito Cereno:''' I'm good, Chris. I'm doing good. '''C:''' I've been podcasting for...")
  • 17:59, 17 October 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 04: Tony Burke & Janet Spittler (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/27800415/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== Don't worry, Theophiloi! You still have some time to leave coffee out for a werewolf and decorate your anti-arousal thorn bush for Approximate Week (observed). We're bumping back our celebrations to once again bring you a Chill Hangout Sesh with some of our multipals! This time, it's the oft-mentioned Dr...")
  • 13:51, 19 July 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 03: Anne Thériault (Created page with "Do you wanna party, Theophiloi? I sure hope so, because the Multipals series continues with another of our rowdy friends: Anne Thériault (from Ontario), who joins us to talk about her work writing about St. Dymphna and the podcast And Also Some Women, focusing on the women of the Bible. Sadly, I don't believe we get around to talking about a certain saint who called down lightning and completely wrecked some blood-thirsty seals, but to be fair, you already have a podcas...")
  • 13:51, 19 July 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 02: Aaron Higashi (Created page with "Don't be jealous, dear Theophiloi; just because we have some new friends doesn't mean we still don't love you just as much! In this episode, we're talking to another luminary of Biblical TikTok, Aaron Higashi! And look: I'll read the Didache eventually. I've just got a lot on my plate right now, and we have to find out what the Biblical scholarly consensus is on Wolverine's best costume! Check out Aaron's TikTok at: https://www.tiktok.com/@abhbible Topics of Discussion...")
  • 19:23, 25 April 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 01: Dr. Dan McClellan (transcript) (Created page with "[MUSIC: Deep Fried Frenz by MF Doom] '''Chris Sims:''' Hello friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. Normally, this is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible and try not to be jerks about it. That's not what we're doing today though, although we are still the two of us. We remain constant and unchanging as the stars. My name is Chris Sims with me as always, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you? '''Benito Cereno:''' I'm good, Chris, because w...")
  • 11:20, 25 April 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Multipals 01: Dr. Dan McClellan (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/26603160/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome (uh, back?) to a brand new sub-series: Multipals! In these episodes, we're going to be sitting down with guests to talk about Bible and, most likely, Wolverine from the X-Men. To kick things off, we've got the Main Dude of Bible Studies TikTok, Dr. Dan McClellan,...")
  • 17:59, 13 March 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Simon Peter's Sweet Sixteen (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "When Jesus saw large crowds around him, he gave the order to go to the other side of the sea. A scribe approached him and said, 'Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.' Jesus told him, 'Foxes have dens and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.' 'Lord,'' another of his disciples said, 'first let me go bury my father.' But Jesus told him, 'Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.'" The Gospel of Matthe...")
  • 14:29, 10 March 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page What's Up, Doctor Goodacre (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "His winnowing shovel is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor and gather his wheat into the barn. But the chaff he will burn up with a fire that never goes out." The Gospel of Matthew, chapter 3, verse 12. [Music: Live and Let Die] Hello friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, and we try not to be jerks about it. My name is Chris Sims, and with me as always is the...")
  • 17:39, 7 March 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Neon Genesis Good News (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples, 'Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?' When Jesus heard this, he told them, 'Those who are well don't need a doctor, but the sick do need one. I didn't come to call the righteous, but sinners.'" The Gospel of Mark, chapter 2, verses 16 through 17. [Music: Protect Ya Neck] '''C:''' Hello friends and neighbors and welcome to A...")
  • 18:22, 1 March 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Hellmensch (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "And when the fire had reached the topmost pitch of violence, the paritz himself walked into the midst of the flames. There he summoned Satan to him. And the two demons of evil stood in the flames, and laid all their powers together for a supreme assault that would consume the Master." Rabbi Israel and the Sorcerer. The story of the terrible struggle between Rabbi Israel, Master of the Holy Name, and the paritz who was in league with the evil one and ho...")
  • 22:47, 28 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page A Miserable Pile of Secrets (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "The devil would love you to belive this non sense and also that he is a hideous beast when in fact that the Bible says he is a Beautiful perfect created being read it...then sinn was fond in him and nhe was cast out of Heaven. There is No way that Jesus was married to anyone. this movie is missleading as other movies made by hollywood. when the so called monk in this film was beating himself he was crucifying himself thus insulating Jesus, beacuse Jesu...")
  • 17:22, 24 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Skip This One (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "For I am like a lion to Ephraim, and like a young lion to the house of Judah. Yes, I will tear them to pieces and depart. I will carry them off, and no one can rescue them." The B of Hosea, chapter 5, verse 14. Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. This is the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but we try not to be jerks about it, and we are your hosts. My name is Chris Sims. With me, as always, is Benito Cereno...")
  • 12:48, 24 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Wittgenstein's Monster (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "Woe to those who are wise in their own opinion and clever in their own sight." The book of Isaiah chapter 5 verse 21. Hello friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, and we really try to not be jerks about it. My name is Chris Simms. With me, as always, is the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you today? '''Benito Cereno:''' I'm pretty good, Chris. I'm gonn...")
  • 18:38, 23 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Various Heresies (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "Go! Say unto Simon, Peter, because of whom thou fledest out of Judea, waiteth for thee at the door." The Acts of Peter, chapter 4. Hello, friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocryphals, the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but we try not to be jerks about it. My name is Chris Sims, and with me, as always, is the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you today? '''Benito Cereno:'''I am excellent today becaus...")
  • 10:09, 23 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page One Weird Trick (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' He said, "Don't be afraid, you who are treasured by God. Peace to you. Be very strong." As he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said "Let my Lord speak, for you have strengthened me." Hello everybody, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read the Bible but aren't, you know, jerks about it. My name is Chris Simms and with me as always is my co-host, the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you today?...")
  • 16:30, 22 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Porky Party (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris Sims:''' "Look you scoffers, marvel and vanish away, because I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will never believe, even if someone were to explain it to you." Acts 13:41. Hello friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers read through the Bible, but we're not, you know, a-holes about it. My name is Chris Sims and with me as always is the other set of footprints, Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you today...")
  • 19:21, 21 February 2023 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page I've Been To My Share of Pizza Parties (Transcript) (Created page with "'''Chris:''' Hello friends and neighbors, and welcome to Apocrypals. It's the podcast where two non-believers go through the Bible, but we're not, you know, a-holes about it. My name is Chris Sims. Joining me in this service and in all future services is Benito Cereno. Benito, how are you today? '''Benito:''' I'm very well, Chris. And how are you? '''C:''' I am also very well. '''B:''' Excellent. '''C:''' - So yeah, this is our new Bible podcast, everybody. Thank you...")
  • 10:16, 18 July 2022 User account Rbro talk contribs was created by Jemaleddin talk contribs (Ryan wants to pitch in)
  • 16:37, 31 March 2022 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page User:Jemaleddin (Created page with "Hey, I'm Jemal. I host this site and do a lot of the admin. To see what else I'm up to, check out my [https://jemal.co/ personal website].")
  • 16:16, 31 March 2022 User account Catjerome talk contribs was created by Jemaleddin talk contribs (Making an account for another user...)
  • 09:53, 10 March 2022 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Escape From Flesh Island (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/22351079/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== No man knoweth the hour or the day, Theophiloi, but our 100th episode is at hand! In celebration of our centennial, we take on one of our most requested texts: the recently discovered Gospel of Judas! Join us as we settle the argument about Judas Iscariot once and for all. Is He Man or Monster or…. is...")
  • 09:25, 31 January 2022 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Good Chair (Created page with "link= https://www.grunge.com/187950/the-untold-truth-of-king-solomon/")
  • 17:23, 27 January 2022 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Template:Podcast (Created page with "<audio id="audio_example" class="video-js vjs-default-skin" controls preload="auto" title="{{{2}}}" width="300" height="100" data-setup='{}'> <source src="{{{1}}}" type='audio/mp3'/> </audio>")
  • 15:43, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Bonus (Created page with "''This category links to all bonus episodes, even the ones that Chris should not know about.''")
  • 14:10, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Maimonides (Created page with "''This category links to episodes discussing the RAMBAM himself, Moses ben Maimon.''")
  • 14:07, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Hanukkah (Created page with "''This category lists episodes that are, in some way, related to the Festival of Lights.''")
  • 14:04, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Video Games (Created page with "''This category links to all episodes that discuss video games.''")
  • 11:35, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Hosts (Created page with "''This category links to the pages about Your Humble Sons of Thunder.''")
  • 11:30, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Recommendations (Created page with "''This category links to off-site resources recommended by the Sons of Thunder.''")
  • 11:01, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Altar Call (Created page with "''This category links to episodes where the Sons of Thunder answer listener questions.''")
  • 10:57, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Golden Legend (Created page with "''This category links to all the episodes based on the works of the clown prince of etymology, Jacobus de Varagine.''")
  • 10:53, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Deuterocanon (Created page with "''This category links to pages that are deuterocanonical in the Bible, but primary canon in our hearts.''")
  • 10:50, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Trivia (Created page with "''This category links to the most trivial episodes.''")
  • 10:43, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Christmas (Created page with "''This category links to all the pages about the greatest time of year.''")
  • 10:41, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Chick Tracts (Created page with "''This category links to all episodes featuring the tracts of the despicable Jack T. Chick.''")
  • 10:34, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Tanakh (Created page with "''This category links to all episodes covering books of the Tanakh.''")
  • 10:29, 28 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Renowned Dan Brown (Created page with "''This category links to all episodes discussing the work of the Renowned Dan Brown.''")
  • 19:40, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Simon Magus (Created page with " ''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of everyone's favorite battle-wizard, Simon "Paul?" Magus.''")
  • 19:39, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Saint Peter (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Saint Peter who does not understand metaphors, making that whole Peter/Rock thing a little mean.''")
  • 19:39, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Saint Paul (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Saint Paul, your problematic bald fave.''")
  • 19:38, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Gnosticism (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Gnosticism.''")
  • 19:38, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Force Ghosts (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of force ghosts.''")
  • 19:38, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Emperor Nero (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Emperor Nero.''")
  • 19:38, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Apocrypha (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes discussing apocryphal texts.''")
  • 19:37, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Johnathan Stewart (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Friend of the Show Jonathan Stewart.''")
  • 19:37, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Ben Rowe (Created page with "''This category exists to link to all episodes featuring mentions of Friend of the Show Ben Rowe.''")
  • 19:27, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:Episode (Created page with "''This category links to all episode pages.''")
  • 19:26, 27 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Category:New Testament (Created page with "''This page exists to link to episodes that are about the New Testament''")
  • 16:02, 24 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page You Know, the Manger? (Created page with "<iframe key="podcast" path="embed/episode/id/21580571/height/90/theme/custom/thumbnail/yes/direction/forward/render-playlist/no/custom-color/000000/" /> ==Show Notes== We suspect, Theophiloi, that it has been as much of A Year for you as it has been for your humble Sons of Thunder, so please forgive us for skipping the lengthy and intense reading we would’ve done for Hanukkah in favor of going right to a much easier Christmas episode to finish out the year. We’re div...")
  • 11:32, 23 December 2021 User account Samwise talk contribs was created by Jemaleddin talk contribs (An account for Samwise)
  • 20:34, 18 December 2021 User account Barnaby talk contribs was created by Jemaleddin talk contribs (Barnaby needs an account)
  • 13:24, 9 December 2021 User account CDamascus talk contribs was created by Jemaleddin talk contribs (Helping out a centipede)
  • 17:20, 8 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page MediaWiki:Common.css (Created page with "CSS placed here will be applied to all skins: .mw-portlet-Navigation h3 { text-transform: capitalize; }")
  • 01:00, 8 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Books of the Bible Not Covered (Created page with "==Old Testament== * Books of Kings ** 1 Kings ** 2 Kings * Books of Chronicles ** 1 Chronicles ** 2 Chronicles * Book of Ezra * Book of Nehemiah * Book of Job * Psalms * Book of Proverbs * Book of Hosea * Book of Joel * Book of Amos * Book of Obadiah * Book of Habakkuk * Book of Zephaniah * Book of Haggai * Book of Zechariah * Book of Malachi ==Apocrypha== * 1 Esdras (3 Esdras Vulgate) * 2 Esdras (4 Esdras Vulgate) * Wisdom of Solomon * Ecclesiasticus (also known as Sir...")
  • 19:09, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Pretty Sus, Lesbius (Created page with "==Show Notes== Quick, Theophiloi! Name your favorite Apostle! Okay, good, now we know who among you cannot be trusted, because anyone who said Andrew is a liar. My dude is boring as all h*ck except for the part where Andrew’s friend goes completely John Wick on a bunch of dudes who are trying to recreate the cover to Uncanny X-Men #251. That might not sound very appealing, but… well, it’s a good show anyway. Promise. Topics of Discussion: The importance of being f...")
  • 19:09, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Guess the Persona-fied Bible Character (Created page with "==Show Notes== In this special piece of bonus content, Chris tries to stump Benito with images of the depictions of biblical and apocryphal figures in the popular JRPG Persona 5. Can Benito summon all the might of the Guess-o-tron 5000 to aid him in this time of great tribulation?")
  • 19:08, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Goku of Judaism (Created page with "==Show Notes== Happy Halloween, FIENDS and NeighBOOs! It’s the spookiest time of year, and to get in the SPIRIT, we’re reading about how the Master of The Good Name and founder of Hassidic Judaism fought a werewolf and then out-lawyered a ghost in front of God Himself. No, really. It’s exactly as rad as it sounds. Topics of Discussion: AHH!BBA, a spooky film recommendation, the RAMBAM, the RADR, etc, the Appalachians of Dracula, Barovia, a very suspect ingredient,...")
  • 19:08, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page An Abyss of Significant Depth (Created page with "==Show Notes== I don’t want to brag, Theophiloi, but I think if I was going to write a text in the style of Mr. Paul (a servant of Jesus Christ, called to be an Apostle, separated unto the Gospel of God which He had promised afore by His prophets in the holy scriptures), I could probably do a better job than whoever it was who wrote this one and then pretended to dig it up from under his basement. That said, this bit of apocryphanfic does give us one of the most influe...")
  • 19:08, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Little Martha and the Small Vandellas (Created page with "==Show Notes== Work with me here, Theophiloi: It sure is late July 2021, and that means it’s time for us to celebrate the feast day of Jesus’s Second-Favorite Mary, depending on who you ask! We’re rolling through a hagiography of Mary Mags so dubious that even Jacobus de Voragine says part of it is definitely made up, and considering that dude’s wack standards, that’s saying something. Plus, a very special guest Saint who definitely exists because some history...")
  • 19:07, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Approximate Week IV: OblIVion (Created page with "==Show Notes== Blessed are your hosts, Theophiloi! It’s been a while, yes, but we’re back just in time for our mutual birthday, with a look at an apocryphal text that goes from zero to complete buck wild in the span of about one paragraph. Get ready for some real Bee Attitudes and join us in this episode as we find out how Joseph — the Old Testament one with the coat, not Jesus’s stepdad — met his very tall, very mean wife. Topics of Discussion: Donald Duckin...")
  • 19:07, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Cephalo4: Protect Yr Neck (Created page with "==Show Notes== In this special YouTube exclusive Benito-only Apocrypals episode, we discuss the disturbingly robust subgenre of saints known as cephalophores, beheaded folk who carried their own heads around post mortem.")
  • 19:07, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Slayer of Men, Conqueror of Space (Created page with "==Show Notes== I think you’ll agree, Theophiloi, that while texts containing actual stories about things like 12’ werewolf saints and angel jacuzzis are nice, the real action here on our goodtime comedy podcast is in non-narrative, fragmented gnostic texts about how good is not good, evil is not evil, Jesus is made of bread, and also he had French babies. We’re diving once more into the geometry that inspired the Da Vinci Code (and, you know, the whole thing about...")
  • 19:06, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Me In This Story Is You (Created page with "==Show Notes== CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussion of sexual assault with regards to the story of Amnon and Tamar, beginning right after the ad break and ending at 26:00. If I had to rank them, Theophiloi, I’d say that the most wildly violent pieces of media I have ever taken in through the eyeballs are Doom 2016, Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky, and the Second Book of Samuel. Unlike the first two, this one’s not all fun, but we do eventually get to the po...")
  • 19:06, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Double Chai: Rock Me, Asmodeus (Created page with "==Show Notes== In this bonus episode, Benito goes solo to tell the Jewish legend of King Solomon matching wits with the Prince of Demons. Check out the Apocrypals podcast here: https://apocrypals.libsyn.com/ Hear Asmodeus's other starring role in our episode on the Book of Tobit: https://apocrypals.libsyn.com/13-bonu... Learn about Solomon using demon power to build the Temple in our episode on The Testament of Solomon: https://apocrypals.libsyn.com/25-butt... If you...")
  • 19:05, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Worfin’ the Lions (Created page with "==Show Notes== If you told me three years ago, Theophiloi, that the most famous king in Bible was not in the book called “Kings” but was instead in the part named after a dude who is neither present nor alive for the entire thing, I would’ve been real salty about it. Fortunately,, what it lacks in its title character, Sammy Deuce more than makes up for in sheer violence. It’s so much that we had to split it into two, because much like the Mountain Goats, King Dav...")
  • 19:05, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page 2000 B.C. (Created page with "==Show Notes== You may be wondering, Theophiloi, how we could possibly talk for over 90 minutes about 1 Samuel, which contains one of the Bible stories that literally everyone knows. And yes, you almost certainly know about David and Goliath, but do you know about David's vast collection of foreskins? Or the part where the King of Israel does necromancy with the mom from Bewitched? Or that sweet sweet groundhoney? If you do, well, listen anyway, there's good jokes in thi...")
  • 19:05, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page A Miserable Pile of Secrets (Created page with "==Show Notes== We weren't kidding, Theophiloi. We actually did a full-length commentary track for The Da Vinci Code (2006, Dir. Ron Howard). Did you know this movie is almost two and a half hours long? Because we didn't when we decided to do this. That is merely one of many shocking revelations that you can unravel along with us in this parasocial hangout sesh... OR IS IT? Topics of Discussion: Listen, I'm not going to lie to you here, we talk about a LOT of stuff in th...")
  • 19:04, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Crisis On 18,000 Earths (Created page with "==Show Notes== We're finishing up our third anniversary special this week, Theophiloi, and the sheer weirdness of Enoch's new career has gotten vast enough to fill a myriad of parasangs. You might've thought you were prepared for everything we're going to see in this, but can anyone truly be prepared for SATAN STORMWIND, the sensational character find of the 2nd Century? It's the Dark Souls of apocrypha as these one two princes of podcasting get through 3noch 2: A Little...")
  • 19:04, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page God Junior (Created page with "==Show Notes== Do me a favor, Theophiloi. Take a moment and write down the number of eyes, wings, and faces, that you think angels have, bearing in mind that you listen to this show and we know you know that two, two, and one are not the correct answers to that question. Now look at that number and understand that according to 3noch, you are almost certainly underestimating how wild we're going to get in this episode. It's our third Apocryphersary, and we're finally tack...")
  • 19:04, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Old Clootie (Created page with "==Show Notes== As it is written in the Book of Ecclesiastes, Theophiloi: futility. Utter futility. That's what we get from trying to influence the farce that is Lent Madness to get our pick, St. Dunstan, all the way to the end of that sham of a tournament. In the time between deciding on him and recording this episode, our holy boy is already out, despite doing some real Hellboy stuff to the Devil his own self. Find out more in this week's episode, which is neither farce...")
  • 19:03, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Just One More Thing (Created page with "==Show Notes== You know, Theophiloi, my wife, she's a really big fan of these saints these days, so I was wondering if you could help me out here. I've been trying to get through the life of of St. Columba, but there's just a couple things I don't understand. See, this thing, I've been going through it, and it's 87 pages long, and I just can't seem to figure out why a podcaster would choose such a long document to read for a show about Ireland's third most popular saint....")
  • 19:03, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Speedrun Tactics (Created page with "==Show Notes== We have had some points of contention, Theophiloi, but up to this point, it's mostly been about Benito's bizarre and upsetting taste in candy. This time, though, a strong candidate for the worst book we've read so far threatens to tear the show apart as a genuine undercurrent of resentment flows over how boring the second half of Jubilees is. Don't let that stop you from listening to the show, though! We promise there are some good jokes in here somewhere!...")
  • 19:03, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Sedeqetelebab! (Created page with "==Show Notes== As you are well aware, Theophiloi, the Book of Genesis is the foundational text of not only multiple major religions, but arguably most of Western literature in general. That said, we can all agree that there's at least one major flaw: it does not contain as many half-angel cannibal giants as any of us would like. Fortunately, we have the Book of Mega Drive here to help out by adding an entirely new villain and glossing over some of the more important thin...")
  • 19:02, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Sometimes It's Just Sucky (Created page with "==Show Notes== It is with a heavy heart that we must announce that Mr. Paul is at it again, Theophiloi... maybe. In this episode, your humble Sons of Thunder dive into Ephesians, a brief slice of Bible that is relatively (RELATIVELY) chill, to the point where there's doubt over whether the New Testament's grumpiest boy actually wrote it. Don't worry, though: there's still plenty to get mad at. It's the best and worst of our least favorite first-century saint! Topics of...")
  • 19:02, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Deadliest Skambush of Them All (Created page with "==Show Notes== CONTENT WARNING: The text covered in this episode contains a scene of sexual assault, discussed starting at 1:38:00. Happy Gentile New Year, Theophiloi! Like Merle Haggard, we have made it through December, and we're treating ourselves to what is probably the rawest book in Bible — which unfortunately includes what Luke T. Harrington has called the most depraved passage in the whole book. What better to greet 2021 than with that sort of up-and-down rolle...")
  • 19:02, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Bill Bless Us, Every Ted (Created page with "==Show Notes== Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! We've wrapped up the show for the year, but before we get to these last few days of kicking back with a nice hot chocolate and a cup of coffee for St. Lucy, we're inviting you to join us for our Christmastime gift exchange. Plus: a very, very short apocryphal text about Baby Jesus bustin' up rocks!")
  • 19:01, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Marys Christmas (Created page with "==Show Notes== Happy Holidays, Theophiloi! It's our favorite time of the year, and that means we're once again reading the story about how an angel came down to herald the birth of a child whose divine nature would be revealed by a dove, and who would gather a group of followers and perform many wondrous miracles: the Blessed Voltron Mary. Yeah, apparently the whole "be not afraid" stuff happened to her first, but don't worry. Jesus gets his own unique adventures in tami...")
  • 19:01, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page MACCABEES (Created page with "==Show Notes== Chag samaeach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah time once again, and for 5781, we're diving back into the dynasty of God's resisters with MACCABEES — and this time, it's about family. Join us as we go through some truly grotesque and graphic descriptions of torture in what is essentially Green Eggs & Ham meets Hostel. It's... maybe not the best way to celebrate a gift-giving holiday, but, well, we didn't write it. Also: Olive Garden, stop reading. Applebee's......")
  • 19:01, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page The Blessed Voltrons (Created page with "==Show Notes== Advent continues apace, Theophiloi, and we're celebrating with two of the most famous and popular lady saints, St. Barbara and St. Catherine! Babs and Cathy are here to visit total ruination upon the devil (who, sadly, does not actually appear in these stories) using explosions of various sizes. I'm not gonna lie, it gets a little grim, but c'mon. You know how most saints became saints by now, right? Topics of discussion: Quibbling with Martinmas, Advent...")
  • 19:00, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Filling the Room (Created page with "==Show Notes== If you thought the Song of Solomon was going to be a tough one for us to get through with our "Clean" tag intact, Theophiloi, brace yourselves for the Life of St. Martin. With a translation that almost has to be purposefully nasty, we're kicking off Advent with the 100% true and factual story of Martin of Tours, the saint who cured the sick, raised the dead, and ruined at least one funeral. Plus: the Devil! Like... a lot of the Devil! Topics of Discussion...")
  • 19:00, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Lazer Babies (Created page with "==Show Notes== Happy Halloween, DRACULA-philoi, and pre-SCARE to have your sins counted as we descend once more into HELL! Specifically the Hell described in the Apocalypse of Simon "The Rock" Peter, in which everyone's favorite teen apostle describes the many punishments that await sinners of varying quality in the afterlife. Let BOO-nito SCREAM-o and CRYPTS Sims (should've thought of that one for the show) guide you on a harrowing journey full of ironic punishments and...")
  • 18:59, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Howl of the Ostrich (Created page with "==Show Notes== If you've ever read Bible and thought "hey, this is great but I wish it had dudes just unleashing straight metaphorical fire on workers of iniquity," then allow your humble Sons of Thunder to introduce you to Micah and Nahum. What these two prophets lack in verbosity, they more than make up for in sheer scorching anger. Just wait'll you get to Nahum 3:19, Theophiloi. It's wild. (Note: There's a stretch in this episode where Chris sounds like he's recording...")
  • 18:59, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Be Courageous! (Created page with "==Show Notes== Happy New Year, Theophiloi! That's right, it's Rosh Hashanah time, and we are 100% Done In 5781™. Also done? Joshua, whose journey to become the second Moses is going to take him down the path of mass murders and detailed land allotments, which is basically what the entire Old Testament is if you really get down to it. Get ready to break down the walls and Be Courageous, because we've got some neck-steppin' to do! It's the podcast that you can still hear...")
  • 18:59, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Cold Brew Paul (Created page with "==Show Notes== One half of your humble Sons of Thunder is joining you from real-for-real quarantine, dear Theophiloi, but that won't stop us from griping our way through our first canonical New Testament book of this calendar year. What might stop us is Mr. Paul in prime form, declaring himself to know more about Jesus than anyone on Earth or in Heaven, but we try to get through it in an episode that could perhaps best be described as "adversarial." On the other hand, we...")
  • 18:58, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Approximate Week Chapter 3: Parabellum (Created page with "==Show Notes== If you seek birthdays, Theophiloi, prepare for war — the War Scroll, that is! As we celebrate the Approximate Week between our two personal nativities, we dive into the Dead Sea Scrolls for the first time to find out all about the best of seven series between the Sons of Light and the Sons of Darkness. Please note that these Sons of Light are not, like, half-angels or whatever, but they do write some extremely dope things on their swords. Topics of Disc...")
  • 18:58, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Two Firkin Bored (Created page with "==Show Notes== Having trouble sleeping, Theophiloi? Well here's an evangelion for you: this episode covers a letter written by the most boring person to ever cover a miracle. Get ready for intense table measurements, detailed MapQuest directions to Judea circa 250 BCE, and some day one philosophy class nonsense. It's the thrilling story of the Septuagint and the curse upon those who would alter it, which is mentioned maybe once in a document that is roughly eight thousan...")
  • 18:57, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Secret 69 (Created page with "==Show Notes== Benito goes solo in this secret bonus episode covering a text so gross that Chris has expressly forbidden it from ever appearing on the show. SO DON'T TELL CHRIS. I tried to capture the spontaneity of the regular show, so I did this all in one take; please forgive the Discord alerts I couldn't figure out how to turn off and my cats fighting in the background.")
  • 18:57, 7 December 2021 Jemaleddin talk contribs created page Thirst Corinthians (Created page with "==Show Notes== Under normal circumstances, Theophiloi, ladytype saints tend to become so by not having any adult fun at all and then calling Jesus lightning down on man-eating seals or exploding and teleporting their way out of a tower. For Episode Nice, however, we're covering two women who took things in the opposite direction by having all the adult fun they possibly could and then chilling out once they were finished. Believe it or not, they have way more agency in t...")
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