User contributions for Jemaleddin

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  • 17:56, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,576 N Bad Things to Call Your MotherCreated page with "==Show Notes== Having a bad day, Theophiloi? I mean, yes, of course you are, we all are in These Unprecedented Times. But hey, let's look on the bright side! At least angels aren't poking out your eyes, cutting out your tongue, and breaking your tablet, like they did with Judas. That's what Bartholomew told us, anyway, and believe it or not, it's nowhere near the weirdest beef in his eponymously apocryphal Book Of. Join us as Death and all his kids get thoroughly dunked..."
  • 17:56, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,380 N JeSuS With Two Cool SesCreated page with "==Show Notes== Pack your bags, Theophiloi, because we're going on a trip to India with Thomas, the Second Christ, who works hard and flays harder. Thanks to Dr. Tony Burke and his new book, New Testament Apocrypha Volume 2, hitting shelves this summer, we're taking a look at one of the weirder apostolic adventures, translated for the new book by Janet Spittler and Jonathan Holste. That ol' doubter Thomas is out to spread the word, and believe us, he's got skin in the gam..."
  • 17:55, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,452 N Adonai is Ichiban!Created page with "==Show Notes== Can you believe we're stuck in this elevator together, Theophiloi? I guess there's nothing we can do but pass the time with the clip show episode of Torah while we wait for the power to come back on. Join us as Deuteronomy offers up a bunch of stuff we've already read, and a record YPP score (yikes per page). We gotta eat the vegetables before we get to Judges, folks. Topics of discussion: Benito's completely buck wild choice of a favorite candy seriously..."
  • 17:55, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,335 N Spiritual Warfare Is Good, ActuallyCreated page with "==Show Notes== It's our Nintendo 64th episode, Theophiloi, so we're taking a break from our usual Book study to dive into the least canonical Bible-adjace content we can! Not approved by the church, not approved by Nintendo of America, and barely approved by the LifeWay Christian Store, it's the extremely dubious catalogue of "Biblical" video games by Wisdom Tree. Join us as we spend a Sunday Funday waging Spiritual Warfare on some Bible Adventures. Don't forget Baby Mos..."
  • 17:54, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,615 N Wist Not To Whom Ne WhitherCreated page with "==Show Notes== You know who doesn't come off very well in Bible, Theophiloi? Dogs. This week, though, our canine pals get a little bit of redemption as we dive into the hagiographies of two sterling examples of Son of Man's Best Friend! Join us for the very official St. Roche "Pronounced Rock" Johnson and his li'l buddy Breadstick (patron saint of dogs) and the extremely disavowed St. Guinefort (patron saint of actually being a dog for real). Be warned: the dog does die..."
  • 17:54, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,455 N Oh, the Jews' Manatees!Created page with "==Show Notes== One thing you have to say for the Book of Numbers, Theophiloi: it is exactly what it says in the title. Well, most of it is, anyway. Mixed in with all the census totals and step-by-step MapQuest directions to the Promised Land, though, is some truly wild stuff, including the return of one of our favorite Biblical tropes, the talking animal that no one seems to think is odd in the slightest. Join us, but make sure to brace yourself for a whole lot of skante..."
  • 17:54, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,632 N Countless Large GregsCreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Apocryphersary, Theophiloi! It's our show's second approximate birthday and it also just happens to be Big Boy Season. we're celebrating both with our annual tradition of checking in with Enoch, one of two prophets that God liked so much that he brought him directly to Heaven to hang out with a bunch of on fire eye wheels for 3,000 years before anyone else got there. And yes, this is definitely Heaven. It's absolutely, definitely Heaven. Trust us, it..."
  • 17:53, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,256 N Joses CrustCreated page with "==Show Notes== We're all having an extremely normal time right now, Theophiloi, but it always pays to remember that it could be worse. You could, for example, be Andrew, first called to be a disciple of the Lord Jesus, who was then sent to do a bunch of murders and be tortured in the City of the Man-Eaters. Or you could be Matthias, about whom nothing is known other than that he had to pretend to think he was a cow for about a month. Listen in this week as your humble So..."
  • 17:53, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,244 N Source of the FlowCreated page with "==Show Notes== Time to eat the vegetables, Theophiloi. After nearly two years of putting it off, we finally lay down the law with Leviticus, and scramble desperately to make a few jokes before we wind up thoroughly exhausted. It's not even the parts you know about that do it! It's the four chapters about skin care! Just go to Lush! Plus, a bitter argument about the weather that will ultimately destroy the show. Is this the end of the Apocrypals? Topics of discussion: En..."
  • 17:52, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,212 N Blaise, Your Dead HomieCreated page with "==Show Notes== Cough up that fishbone and tighten up your bowstrings, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into a trio of hagiographies from our boy JDV and the Golden Legend. Join us as we commemorate February with a look at the ever-penetrated St. Sebastian, #1 pig recovery specialist St. Blaise, and the iron-willed patron of bellmakers, St. Agatha! Since we provide all the details of their martyrdom, I think we're technically a true crime podcast now, so increase you..."
  • 17:52, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,346 N We Holy Ghost, Bro?Created page with "==Show Notes== Wizards! Talking lions! Armies of demons! Dudes just straight getting wrecked in the face! Truly it can be said, Theophiloi: this one has it all. Join us as we recount the lives and conduct of the holy women in their swashbuckling adventure that was definitely not written by Mr. Paul. Also, we talk about what Jesus would be like if He was in Smash Bros., which takes up about fifteen minutes and is basically the entire premise of this show. Topics of Discu..."
  • 17:51, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,104 N Welcome to the Bone ZoneCreated page with "==Show Notes== Welcome back, Theophiloi, to the truly disconcerting rantings of the hair-throwing, scroll-eating mad lad himself, Ezekiel! In this episode, we go to extremes, as Ezekiel offers up the most brütal horror movie prophecies for the iniquitous nations, and then takes a hard right turn into intensely specific blueprints for his visionary construction project. If you've ever wanted to know how prophets make their money, this is the episode that reveals all. To..."
  • 17:51, 7 December 2021 diff hist +849 N The Parable of the Sexy Blood BabyCreated page with "==Show Notes== Let me ask you a question, Theophiloi: why prophets so nasty? In this episode, we put our treasured No Cusses rule in the greatest danger as we dive into the violent and upsettingly horny visions of Ezekiel, last of the major prophets. This absolute scroll-eating mad lad has a whole list of unsavory activities and breads that he wants to tell you about in detail. Don't listen to this one with your mom. Topics of discussion: The Greenlit Podcast Network, A..."
  • 17:51, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,096 N Our Favorite MurdersCreated page with "==Show Notes== Merry Christmas, Theophiloi! It's the most wonderful time of the year, where we gather to celebrate the birth of Jesus, which subsequently led to several horrible crimes that terrorized his hometown for years. Plus: our actual last-minute holiday gift guide! Topics of discussion: Benito's trip to Germany, the nature of Christkindl, Christmas Prince power rankings, the Karen and Georgia of a far less successful podcast, a Christmas present from the Canonip..."
  • 17:50, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,052 N Maccabees 3: Elephant DriftCreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Hanukkah, Theophiloi, and welcome back to the action-packed saga of the Dynasty of God's Resisters! Ptolemy (not that one, the one who loves daddy) is causing some trouble in Alexandria, and by trouble, we mean a mass execution via 500 drunk elephants. This book rules. Plus: our hopefully not offensive suggestions for new Hanukkah traditions! Will Judith bring you a fancy pen on her way to her next beheading? We hope so! Topics of discussion: Dreide..."
  • 17:50, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,203 N Apocrypals Chris And BenitoCreated page with "==Show Notes== [Note: This episode is also called "Second 51".] CONTENT WARNING: This week's book deals with some pretty depressing ideas, which leads us to discuss depression and, briefly, suicide. Absolute futility, Theophiloi. That's what we're dealing with this week as we dive into the dark horse candidate for our favorite book of Bible so far: Solomon/Koholet's extremely grim treatise on depression and why the living should envy the dead. It's a lot more lighthear..."
  • 17:49, 7 December 2021 diff hist 0 Episode List
  • 17:49, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,152 N Jesus, BuffyCreated page with "==Show Notes== It's the spookiest day of the year, TheAWFULoi, and your humble Sons of ThUNDEAD are back at it with a deep dive into our least canonical selection: the evangelizing comic book tracts of Jack T. Chick. Join us as we discuss the dubious, hateful, and distressingly widely read stories that are designed to drag you kicking and screaming into a very specific version of salvation on this, the Devil's Birthday. Haw haw haw! Topics of discussion: Halloween plans..."
  • 17:49, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,221 N The TERF of BabylonCreated page with "==Show Notes== It's our 50th episode, Theophiloi, and that means it's time to get Apocalyptic! Join us as we embark on an extra-sized episode covering the fever dreams of Johnny Patmo. Witness the opening of the Seven Seals, hear the sounding of seven trumpets, and debate over we are currently pre-apocalyptic, apocalyptic, post-apocalyptic, or post-post-apocalyptic. It's not as depressing as it sounds! Listen and be astonished! Topics of discussion: Shofar show good, Ro..."
  • 17:48, 7 December 2021 diff hist +949 N WajesusCreated page with "==Show Notes== Brace yourselves, Theophiloi, because this episode is a Triple-Epistle! (Tripistle?) Your humble Sons of Thunder are taking on not one, not two, but all three of the extremely short Johannine Epistles, in which we discover that a dude who once offered to burn down an entire city for Jesus, was actually way more chill than Mr. Paul. Quelle surprise. Plus: two solid minutes of us laughing at our own jokes about Ninja Warrior. Topics of discussion: the weird..."
  • 17:48, 7 December 2021 diff hist +721 N The Almighty Ambush BearCreated page with "==Show Notes== Spoiler warning, Theophiloi, but it turns out that the Book of Lamentations is, in fact, actually a straight up book just full of lamentations. Jeremiah is back and surprisingly less wordy, so join us as we try to goof our way through this very depressing book about God putting hard times on Jerusalem circa 586 BCE. Plus: the complete New Testament Rap! Topics of discussion: A very confrontational installment of the Correctional Confessional, Gotta Get Th..."
  • 17:47, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,155 N Approximate Week II: The QuickeningCreated page with "==Show Notes== You're invited to the holiest eight nights of the Apocrypals calendar, dear Theophiloi! It's Approximate Week, aka our mutual birthday! if you're looking for a gift, we have a recommendation for you: how about a nice cold glass of Messiah Boy Bath Water? Join us as we celebrate with another buck wild Infancy Gospel, in which the Son of Man deals with naked women throwing rocks in cemeteries, an eligible bachelor who is temporarily endonkeyed, and his Earth..."
  • 17:47, 7 December 2021 diff hist +930 N CTRL-Z On A MurderCreated page with "==Show Notes== Listen at your own risk, Theophiloi, for this is our most curséd episode yet! We lost our first recording, our second only made it six minutes in, and our third... Well, at this point we're just hoping it's not a real FDS (Final Destination Situation). Either way, we've got a good one in the Acts of John, the apocryphal adventures of an Apostle who resurrected his way through various horrible sex crimes. Plus: Was John a dog? Like, literally? Topics of d..."
  • 17:46, 7 December 2021 diff hist 0 Episode List
  • 17:46, 7 December 2021 diff hist +905 N Mummy Dust and Skeleton BonesCreated page with "==Show Notes== Hey Theophiloi, good news/bad news. About eight minutes into the recording, Chris's Good Microphone stopped working and so we did an hour of the show with Chris sounding like he was trapped in a hole. The good news is that we have a very good text this week: the Book of Ruth, Bible's greatest saga of wheat farming and sapphic subtext! Plus: We angle hard for that Fig Newton sponsorship. What's good, Nabisco? Topics of discussion: A thorough examination of..."
  • 17:46, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,036 N Terms and ConditionsCreated page with "==Show Notes== The boys are back in town, Theophiloi, and we've got some breaking news: it seems the Kingdom of Judah has broken its covenant with the Lord of Hosts and will be punished with sword, famine, and plague! Seems like pretty exciting stuff, until the 30th time you've been through it, which is pretty much Jeremiah in a nutshell. Join us as we finish out the longest book in the Bible (and hopefully our longest gap between episodes), won't you? Topics of discuss..."
  • 17:45, 7 December 2021 diff hist +950 N Why Prophets So Nasty?Created page with "==Show Notes== Well, Theophiloi, it's been a hot minute, but we're back once again with the first half of Jeremiah, which is both the longest book in Bible and also the most unnecessarily long. Here, we'll save you some time: "God's mad." There, you have now read Jeremiah. If you want a more in-depth discussion of how metal this book can get, though, listen in for shattering destruction, and fields just chock full o' bones! Plus: the return of Rough Chuckles. Topics of..."
  • 17:45, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,017 N The Roasting of the Apostle PaulCreated page with "==Show Notes== Hello, Theophiloi and Cheerful Givers! Looking for a nice way to relax, chill out, and maybe even fall asleep? Good news: we've got the book for you. Our old nemesis St. Paul is back with a second letter to the church at Corinth, and pal, it is a snooze... right up until he starts talking about Super-Apostles and how he was beaten with sticks. After that, it gets pretty wild, so do your best to stay awake through the whole thing. Plus, the one piece of the..."
  • 17:44, 7 December 2021 diff hist +858 N Neo-Mary Is About To E X P L O D ECreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Easter, Theophiloi! He is risen indeed! It's definitely still Easter, so we're back with the Questions of Bartholomew, and friends, let me tell you: he is not the only one with some questions. Join us as Jesus reveals mysteries that are so scary they will literally make you die just from seeing them. We hope hearing about them is a bit less lethal. Topics of Discussion: Hellstorm: Son of Satan, handy iconography of St. Nicholas of Myra, man-capes, S..."
  • 17:44, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,002 N Devil Got a HogCreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Holy Week, Theophiloi! If you're like your humble Son of Thunder and his friend the Author of All Lies, you have a keen interest in space. If that's the case, then you're going to love learning some new facts about the Sun and Moon as we dive into the second half of the Book of Enoch! Also, we really hope you like calendars, because there's about 20 pages of that in here too, but trust us: it's worth it for what comes after. Plus: A tale of Noah when..."
  • 17:43, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,125 N Rain is Boy WaterCreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Apocryphersary, Theophiloi! To celebrate one year of the show, we're launching into one of our most requested texts: the apocalyptic, hallucinatory, and profoundly influential Book of Enoch. Written about 200 years or so after the beginning of time, this story follows a prophet who was so cool that God just took him up to heaven (or possibly the planet Krypton) so that they could hang out for eternity. Get ready for thirsty angels, crystal houses, an..."
  • 17:43, 7 December 2021 diff hist +940 N Sword Drill OnlineCreated page with "==Show Notes== Break out the birthday cake, Theophiloi, because as of this show, we've officially been at this for one full year! We're celebrating by pushing the Guessatron 5000 to its limits with a Bible Trivia Quiz to see if we (ie Chris) have learned anything from our year of book study. Play along and try not to yell at your phone too loud when you know the answer and Chris doesn't. Topics of discussion: The Complete Book of Bible Trivia by J. Steven Lang, most of..."
  • 17:42, 7 December 2021 diff hist +874 N Bigger EstherCreated page with "==Show Notes== Get ready to put on your costume, give money to the poor, and get tore up from the floor up, Theophiloi, because it's Purim time! Join us for the story of Esther, a uniquely God-free entry into Bible about a beautiful queen outfoxing Haman (BOOOO!) to the point where he gets severely impaled. It's a good one. Topics of discussion: a Lent Madness update, St. Joseph's Day, some bitterness about an old job, the Jewish Hero Corps, Ruth : Wheat :: Esther : Imp..."
  • 17:42, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,118 N GRAZACHAM!Created page with "==Show Notes== Top o' the mornin' to ye, Theophiloi! In honor of his verdant feast day, we're taking a look at the life of Saint Patrick! Witness as he comes out of his cage and does just fine bringing Christianity to the pagan isle of Ireland. You will erhaps be shocked by the fact that there are zero (0) mentions of snakes or shamrocks, but we do have the return of all of our favorite Bible traditions: explosions, wizard battles, were-foxes, all that stuff. Plus: one o..."
  • 17:41, 7 December 2021 diff hist 0 Episode List
  • 17:41, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,344 N Down in the Donkey HoleCreated page with "==Show Notes== Take heed, Theophiloi, because we have some intense and highly specific requirements for your upcoming tabernacle construction this week. That's right: we've wandered out of the narrative section of Exodus and into the part that's mostly about how much the Lord loves acacia wood, with a few extremely famous events strewn among it for good measure. Moses has an exceptionally long conversation at the top of Mount Sinai and we go from "yikes" to "YIKES!" as w..."
  • 17:40, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,054 N Thorn Bushes and PushupsCreated page with "==Show Notes== Happy Valentine's Day, Theophiloi, and might I just say, you're looking good today. Hair like goats, teeth like sheep, just dripping with myrrh... yes, all your parts are in very sexy condition. What's that? Why yes, we have been taking a few tips from Bible's greatest romantic, King Solomon the Demon-Queller! He's here with his sensual mixtape and we're going through it track by track as we take on the Song of Songs! Plus: a brief non-history of St. Valen..."
  • 17:40, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1 Thicc Darkness→‎=Show Notes
  • 17:40, 7 December 2021 diff hist +945 N Thicc DarknessCreated page with "==Show Notes= Get your shoes on and don't you dare leaven that bread, Theophiloi, because it's time to dive into the Book of Exodus! In this episode, we cover the first 18 chapters, including Moses's surprisingly violent origin story, 7+3 plagues, and Pharaoh's many, many ill-advised decisions. Plus, the ultimate #passoverhack: tacos. Topics of discussion: Candlemas, LentMadness.org, Mary of Bethany v. Martha of Bethany: Dawn of Saintliness, the Main Dude of Judaism, Go..."
  • 17:39, 7 December 2021 diff hist +860 N Return of the Twelve-Foot Volcel LionCreated page with "==Show Notes== Just so you know, Theophiloi, both of us have definitely read the Book of Exodus, as planned. Definitely. Especially me. Remember Pharaoh? And how about that Moses, huh? Anyway, this week, we're taking a break from scripture to answer your listener questions! Plus: the Renowned Jester of the Lord! Topics of discussion: What surprised us about Bible, what we're worried about covering, further reading, disciples smooching and/or playing D&D, the Armor of Go..."
  • 17:39, 7 December 2021 diff hist +912 N Yartzed Upon a Distant ShoreCreated page with "==Show Notes== Greetings, Theophiloi, from your ever-punctual Sons of Thunder! We're back this week to answer the question of whether we can talk for an hour about exactly four pages (and 47 verses) of Bible. It's the famous story of a guy who has to live inside a whale for three days and then gets dunked on by God because he's a real grumpy boy. Join us for Jonah, won't you? Topics of discussion: Excuses excuses, New Year's but for trees, the official End of Christmas,..."
  • 17:38, 7 December 2021 diff hist +924 N Apples and OrangesCreated page with "==Show Notes== We're back for 2019, and on the off chance that we didn't have enough of them already, get ready for a couple new Johns. Specifically, we're celebrating Epiphany with Of Hildesheim's 14th-century book on the Legend of the Three Kings, which also introduces us to Prester. How weird is this one? Well, Chris highlighted an entire page from top to bottom, so believe us, it's a rollercoaster. Plus: Li'l Fat Jesus!!!! Topics of discussion: Benito getting yelled..."
  • 17:38, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,187 N These Apocryphal RavingsCreated page with "==Show Notes== Mary Christmas, Theophiloi! Normally at this time of year, you get a nice little reading from Luke about being sore afraid and wishing peace on Earth and goodwill to men. Unfortunately, we already covered that one, so we're bringing you the birth of Christ as you've never heard it before with the Infancy Gospel of James. We learn all about Mary's origin, in which she was Rapunzeled for thirteen years and then handed off to a very confused local carpenter...."
  • 17:37, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,332 N Second Maccabees Second FuriousCreated page with "==Show Notes== So long Hanukkah and Hello Advent, Theophiloi! It's your humble Sons of Thunder on 2018's best podcast for news about Ahikar and St. Thecla's conflict with man-eating seals, and before we close out the Festival of Lights, we're going all in with 2 Maccabees. Things get buck wild as we hear about Judah Maccabee's exploits once again, now with roughly 1,000% more ghost warriors and magic swords. Seriously, this is the most action-packed part of Bible we have..."
  • 17:37, 7 December 2021 diff hist +999 N The Book of the Dynasty of God's ResistersCreated page with "==Show Notes== Chag sameach, Theophiloi! It's Hanukkah times, so we're diving into One Maccabees to learn the story of the Festival of Lights, and also get 16 full chapters of Jews just beating the ever-loving sugar out of everyone in the Levant. Light that Hanukkiah, sharpen that sword, and get ready for the most action-packed piece of Bible, ever. Plus, our suggestions for adding Judith and Matzoh-rella sticks to your holiday celebrations! Topics of discussion: Holida..."
  • 17:36, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,024 N Some Other Christmas ManCreated page with "==Show Notes== So uh, if this episode gets a little weird, it's probably because the hosts, two comic book writers, found out that Stan Lee died about halfway through it. But tragedies great and small won't stop us from learning about love, and also some extremely misogynistic rules about who gets to talk in church as Paul dashes off yet another letter! That's right, y'all, it's time for Rinthies, so let's get patient and kind up in this piece! Plus: do Paul's RTs = endo..."
  • 17:36, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,024 N One Rinthies, BabyCreated page with "==Show Notes== So uh, if this episode gets a little weird, it's probably because the hosts, two comic book writers, found out that Stan Lee died about halfway through it. But tragedies great and small won't stop us from learning about love, and also some extremely misogynistic rules about who gets to talk in church as Paul dashes off yet another letter! That's right, y'all, it's time for Rinthies, so let's get patient and kind up in this piece! Plus: do Paul's RTs = endo..."
  • 17:36, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,209 N Butt Stuff DragonCreated page with "==Show Notes== Get ready for HAINTS AND SAINTS, Theophiloi! It's Halloween and things are getting wild spooky up in here as we diver into the testament of Solomon, a very wise man who likes two things: glorifying God and forcing demons to do menial labor. Meet several new costume options that you certainly won't have to spend all night explaining, including Ornias, Beelzeboul, Onoskelis, Astaroth, the 36 Elements of the Cosmic Ruler of the Darkness, our old pal Asmodeus,..."
  • 15:55, 7 December 2021 diff hist +1,113 N Dunking on SatanCreated page with "==Show Notes== PIECES be with you, Theophil-OOZE, and get ready for the first installment of our two-part HELLoween SCAREtacular! This week, we're descending into HELL! And, uh, it's not actually that scary in the traditional sense, although the antisemitism of early Christian writings brings its own brand of horror. Either way, it's our long-awaited discussion of the Harrowing of Hell! Plus, an untold tale of Jesus's magic emotion-changing clothes! Topics of discussion..."
  • 15:52, 7 December 2021 diff hist +971 N Ocean's TwoCreated page with "==Show Notes== Get ready, Theophiloi, because it's time for a tightly plotted heist story about our favorite Deuterocanonical heroine, Judith! We'll be heading into a slice of the Apocrypha with some sharp commentary that cuts right to the good stuff. Get to listening, chop chop! Plus: Some very good and suggestions for improving Hanukkah that you can implement in your own celebrations! Topics of discussion: The ironies (all of them), Doubting Tomax, a prelude to Martin..."

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