Porky Party

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Show Notes

Chris and Benito begin their Biblical journey with the sequel to the Gospels. The Holy Ghost Awakens as Peter proves to be pretty hard-line about communism, Paul goes a little too hard in the paint, and we meet our first favorite character in the Book.

Topics of discussion: Holy Week breakdown, Theophilus and the #squad, Judas exploding, St. Christopher (a werewolf), Pentecost, Ananias and Saphira vs. Full Socialism, Simon Magus, 12 dudes with like four names between them, the Party Dude of the Book of Acts, Snake Church, the two main dudes of the Bible.

Opening Verse

Look, you scoffers,
marvel and vanish away,
because I am doing a work in your days,
a work that you will never believe,
even if someone were to explain it to you.

— Acts 13:41

Listener Notes

  • Intro music is Jesus Walks by Kanye West, but Jesus only appears briefly in the book of Acts.
  • The episode was recorded on Spy Wednesday, the day on which Judas Iscariot turns Jesus over to the Romans.
  • Chris floats the idea of having a "Collection Platreon".
  • The title derives from the name of Porcius Festus, procurator of Judea, who conducted Paul’s trial before he was sent to Rome.

Choice Quotes

What's up squad-fam? — Benito

I don't know what you want to do with this podcast, but I am planning on solving everything that has been asked for two thousand years. — Chris

The holy spirit is way more like the Force than you could ever imagine. — Benito

Hold the phone, my guy. Are you telling me that Peter, the rock upon whom the church is built, was like sittin’ there going, ‘what do I need to do? I’ve got the message, but how do I bring it to the masses? What do I do? And then he saw a bat and said, ‘yes, father’? — Chris

Again, I am the Captain America of this situation. — Chris

This is an example of pro-Paul propaganda. Pro pro-Paul-ganda — Benito (at 1:12)

(Find more in the transcript.)

Peanut Gallery

Friend of the Show Ben Rowe points out in Various Heresies that:

  • The reason that it's so important that the apostles can do miracles is to make a distinction between Christianity and the cults of other first-century miracle-workers like Apollonius of Tyana or Rabbi Hanina ben Dosa, and to separate it from other mystery cults, because it's not just one guy who can do miracles, but also his followers.
  • Paul as Herodian suggests that Paul is a Roman citizen because he is related to Herod.
  • The Gospels are not in chronological order of their authorship, but in the order people mistakenly thought they were written.
  • Finally, please check out this cool map of the events of the Book of Acts.


Jesus Walks by Kanye West.

Favorite Verses


Then some of the itinerant Jewish exorcists attempted to pronounce the name of the Lord Jesus over those who had evil spirits, saying, “I command you by the Jesus that Paul preaches!” Seven sons of Sceva, a Jewish chief priest, were doing this. One day the evil spirit answered them, “Jesus I know, and Paul I know about, but who are you?” Then the man who had the evil spirit jumped on them and overpowered them all. He gave them such a beating that they ran out of the house naked and bleeding. — Acts 19:13-16


You have no part or share in this matter, because your heart is not right before God. Therefore repent of this wickedness of yours, and pray to the Lord that the intent of your heart may be forgiven you. For I see you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.” — Acts 8:21-23