Various Heresies

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Show Notes

Join us this week as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Peter and Acts of Peter and Paul for the daring return of the Bad Samaritan himself, the Father of All Heresies, the man who claims to be Jesus and may actually be Paul, Simon Magus! When our favorite Biblical supervillain shows up, Simon "The Rock" Peter returns to action to reanimate a smoked herring, get into a resurrection-off, and other Acts that are buck wild even by Biblical standards. Plus, the extremely apocryphal events of Justice League of America #2 and World's Finest #265.

Topics of discussion: Julius Caesar Real vs. Robin Hood real, How to tell Peter and Paul apart in paintings, Leucius Charinus, Gnosticism and Ennoia, Simon (Paul) (Saul) vs. Peter (Simon), the death of Dioscurus, how the city of Pontiole got full-on Spongebobbed, The Acts of Pilate and the Gospel of Nicodemus, the Science Dimension, The Church of Domine Quo Vadis and the footprints of the Ghost of Jesus, Peter: The Literal Rock, San Paolo alla Tre Fontani, M.R. James, Harris and See, "Roll Call" by Lil Jon feat. Ice Cube, Reigns: a big dog.

Special thanks to Jordan Witt for our new artwork this episode!

Opening Verse

"Go, say unto Simon: Peter, because of whom thou fleddest out of Judaea, waiteth for thee at the door." — The Acts of Peter, Chapter IV

Listener Notes

  • Because these texts are small-a apocrypha, you won't find them in your Bible, but you can still read The Acts of Peter and The Acts of Peter and Paul online.
  • Finding copies of Justice League of America #2 and World's Finest #265 is left as an exercise for the listener.
  • First mentions of Friend of the Show Ben Rowe, Force Ghosts and King of the Gnostcs Jonathan Stewart.
  • Chris points out that "Various Heresies" should have been the name of the podcast.
  • Benito had a stress dream about a review of the podcast that was just a video of three milk jugs that had been slashed so that they were spewing milk everywhere, because yep, just another couple of white guys pontificating for 90 minutes. Just another couple of milk jugs.

Choice Quotes

It’s always more complicated than we’re making it sound. – Benito

The Acts of Peter is the earlier text, as you have told me, and an easy way to look at it is that the Acts of Peter and Paul is sort of like the modern-age retelling where it's a little more realistic. It's the Dark Knight to the Acts of Peter's Batman '66. – Chris

Look, we have gone three episode in a row now in which someone or something sentient explodes. I don't want people to get the impression that that's going to happen every week. – Benito

I know that people from the past - generally we are larger than people from the past. We are taller. I would guess, based on knowing that, that you would have bigger feet than Jesus, and this is not a conversation that I thought I was gonna have today. – Chris

So, basically what happens is that Marcellus takes his body to the Vatican, the hill, and buries it, yes? So in a bit of extremely Geoff Johns style literalism, he does become the literal rock upon which the church is built. – Chris

(Find more in the transcript.)


Like a Prayer by Madonna (no, not the Blessed Voltron).